Listening may be the most difficult skill to master when communicating effectively. But master it, we can!

The non verbal part of communicating is the most telling. Try this for a fact:

Research has shown that only 7 percent of what we take in from a speaker is from the actual words; the rest is non-verbal. The tone of voice of the speaker accounts for 38 percent of the message received. Over 55 percent of our perception of the message comes from the speaker’s body language.

This would mean how something is said is far more important than the actual words. This also means to be a really effective listener, one must “listen” to the non-verbals as well. This means being tuned in to what is being said and what is not being said.

Which brings this discussion to a really important part of listening: asking questions. It is not enough to assume you know what the person means. Non-verbals can lead you to “hear” something that is not being said. Asking questions deepens the discussion and explores more of what the person means.

Some useful questions are:

• “Can you give an example of this?”

• “Tell me more about that…”

A good listener should be making eye contact with the speaker about 60 to 80 percent of the time, at least in Western cultures. Nodding and shaking the head is usually appropriate to indicate receptiveness and understanding. Of course, it also indicates agreement or disagreement and can therefore interrupt the speaker

Rarely do people take the time to reflect on the quality of their listening skills. In fact, the only time we may become aware of them is when there has been a breakdown in communications, but by then we are in defensive mode instead of learning mode.

How well do you listen? When was the last time you asked your spouse, your boss, or a trusted peer for feedback on your communication skills? For most of us, this is far too risky.

Talking with your personal coach can help you practice active listening and is a safe way to improve without risk.

Let me know how you work on effective listening as you move to effect positive change.

To your continued success,

Coach Nancy

In our last post we discussed the fact that listening is one of the most crucial, if not the most crucial aspect of communication. So why don’t they listen to me? Maybe because people speak 130 words a minute but our thinking speed is 500 words a minute…lots of time to become distracted. Chances are THEY listen the same way you do.

One important way to improve is to figure out what interferes with your active listening skills,  aside from the above statement. How do you slow your processing so you hear what is actually being said?

First, let’s talk about what other things interfere with effective listening — and consequently result in poor communications and poor interpersonal relationships:
• We don’t clear our minds before entering into a conversation or listening to a person’s presentation. Many people will multi-task, especially while on the phone. Even in a face-to-face exchange, some people multi-task in their heads, solving problems and making lists while the other person gets to their point (which we have decided we already know)!

• We experience emotions which distract us from listening further. It doesn’t take much of a trigger for our feelings to pop up. A look, a phrase, and we are off and running with anxiety, fear, or anger. Our ability to listen is seriously impaired when we are distracted by feelings, especially those we wouldn’t want to admit to.
• We are thinking about our reply. We are so concentrated on making a rebuttal, or on sharing a similar experience, we cease listening to the speaker, and may not even hear important information that makes our response inconsequential or inappropriate. We miss opportunities to build and strengthen relationships by jumping in and speaking too soon.
• We are thinking about the subject from our own perspective rather than trying to understand it from the speaker’s point of view. Our perception may so differ from the perception of the talker that a totally different interpretation of the information may occur. Our minds need to be open and exploring new information rather focusing on what we know.
While everybody “knows” how to listen, not everybody practices effective listening techniques which can rapidly improve communications, strengthen relationships and form strong interpersonal skills for work and family success.

Next time let’s discuss what is involved in active listening. Until then, remember that leading others starts by leading yourself first.

TO YOUR CONTINUED SUCCESS -

Your Profitable Business Coach Nancy